Stick play? Yes way!
What, this, a stick?
No, it’s so much more than that! It’s a wand, a staff, a spear, it’s whatever I want it to be!
Whittling and using hand tools is one of our favourite things to do at forest school. Not only does it develop essential life skills like hand-eye coordination, fine and gross motor skills, risk assessment and so much more, but the act of whittling can transform a stick into something far more magical – whatever your imagination can dream it to be.
Stick play is central to so much of what we do at Wildlings, where we hold space for self-directed, imaginative and risky play.
So why the fascination with sticks?
And how can we deal with the gap between how we as adults feel about stick play and how children feel about it?
Let’s get stuck in.
Don’t pick up sticks!
Do you remember hearing something along these lines? OR have you felt these very words slip out of your mouth when you’ve seen your own child get excited by stick play?
It’s natural to be wary, but let’s break it down.
Sticks are a creative resource and they’re everywhere. Children are drawn to them from a young age, but stick play immediately puts parents on edge.
But what’s wrong with stick play? Is it really something to worry about?
Sticks as a learning resource
No USB cables required – just plug in your imagination. Who needs toys when there are natural loose parts to play with?
Children don’t get bored of playing with sticks because a stick can be anything. It’s an open-ended play item that can be anything to anyone – allowing children to express themselves freely.
Maybe it’s a fishing rod, a lightsaber, a digging stick, one side of a picture frame or the central pillar of a fairy house.
Children have an abundance of imagination, and nature has an abundance of sticks. Let the two come together and voila! Endless hours of fun.
Sticks also have therapeutic benefits. Children build strength and muscle tone as they lift and manoeuvre sticks from place to place, and if a stick is too big for them to move alone, they use communication and teamwork to collaborate with other children.
Children feel empowered when they can express their vision and have other children join them to make it a reality.
Managing Stick Play for its Benefits
We know stick play is risky. But like we’ve said before, protecting children from risk can be limiting for their growth and development.
Instead, we find it’s more beneficial to build up their risk awareness abilities and give them the skills to decide what level of risk they feel comfortable with.
After all, only they know how they feel and only they can communicate what they want or don’t want. If they’re drawn to stick play, especially if it involves play fighting, here are some of the foundations we lay down.
Blood bubble
It sounds gory, but alliteration has always been a great memory tool!
Our blood bubble is the space around us where we can make somebody else bleed.
It’s similar to our personal space, but it gets bigger depending on if we have a stick, tool, or weapon in our hands. If I’m holding a long stick in my hand, does my blood bubble get bigger? Yes, it does. That means I need to be more mindful of the space around me. If I throw a rock into the creek, that rock is in my blood bubble until it lands.
It’s my responsibility to watch my blood bubble and try to prevent other people from getting hurt because of something I’m doing.
Consent
It’s important that everyone involved in stick play has chosen to be there, and that children listen to each other, observe body language and facial cues, and respect each other’s boundaries.
Instead of going into lawnmower parenting mode, clearing all obstacles in your child’s path, perhaps all that’s required is a conversation.
Maybe all your child needs to hear is that they are capable of dealing with the situation in front of them.
They might benefit from conversations along these lines: If a child becomes too aggressive, it’s ok to leave the play. If you start to feel uncomfortable, it’s ok to walk away. If the other child is displaying signs of feeling scared, intimidated or looks fearful of getting hurt, the responsible thing to do is to stop and check in with them.
Of course, it’s possible for stick play to get out of hand, kids are kids and accidents happen.
But allowing kids to play with sticks can lead to great moments of learning.
At Wildlings Forest School, we encourage children to approach play with our three respects in mind: respect ourselves, respect each other, and respect our environment.
By having sticks totally off-limits, much like tools, children never get to learn how to use them safely and appropriately.
Sticks as tools
As is the case with any toy, sticks can be dangerous depending on how they are used. Sticks in and of themselves are not dangerous.
So why can it feel so triggering when we see kids playing with them?
Generally, we raise our kids to value communication over aggression, using words instead of fists to express themselves. It can be uncomfortable to sit back and watch children play in a way that looks aggressive or violent. But at the same time, children crave this sort of play.
We’ve written in more detail about the benefits of weapons play and rough and tumble play before on the blog.
The gist of it is this: Children learn through play.
We need to learn to trust children to manage themselves appropriately and support them as they navigate assessing risks for themselves.
It’s about building autonomy, resilience, and self-reliance.
If we never let them meet that risk or face that feeling of being scared in a lightsaber battle, if we come in and take control of that situation before they have had a chance to figure out where their own personal boundary is, or we initiate that conversation before they are able to find the words to express how they’re feeling, then we’re not letting them learn and grow in the ways they need.
Guaranteed, there will be moments in life where they will have to do those things for themselves, and we’re not going to be there.
If a child is facing aggression from another child, we want them to feel confident to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to feel empowered to remove themselves from that situation and have a framework to reflect on that experience.
Sometimes, that means sitting back, and staying compassionately alert but inert as the situation unfolds.
There can be so much learning in supporting children to navigate those uncomfortable situations themselves, instead of trying alleviate our own discomfort by stepping in and overpowering them.
Generally, kids don’t intend to hurt each other. But ill-judged moments happen, goodness knows they still happen in adulthood, but they can be forgiven. Whatever happens, risky play always presents rich learning opportunities full of value that will serve children as they grow up.
Of course, it would be easier to just make stick play off limits. But where is the learning in that?
Risky play
Risky play is about allowing children to encounter external and internal challenges within a realm of support, without robbing them of their autonomy.
By allowing children to face risks, we are helping them to cultivate qualities that will set them up for the rest of their lives.
Children are developmentally hard-wired to seek out risk, and parents are hard-wired to want to eliminate risk. What a conundrum!
But think of it this way – are you willing to curb your child’s joy for life, their confidence, their imagination, their creative expression, because they might risk getting a scratch or bruise during risky play?
Are YOU willing to take the risk to let them utilise the resources around them to create their own worlds, their own games, tools, and weapons, knowing that this makes them feel strong and creative and powerful?
We think it’s a risk worth taking.
Perhaps, we need to stop fearing every possible scenario and let them learn what it feels like to swoosh, swipe, and swerve with a stick in hand.
We hope this helps you to feel more comfortable navigating stick play with your children. If you’ve got your own tips for stick play or play fighting that we haven’t covered here, let us know over on our socials @wildlings_forestschool.
And if you need a little encouragement and support on your journey with risky play, book into one of our programs and join a community of like-minded families putting the dirt back into childhood. Spaces are available in Brisbane and the Sunshine Coast here https://www.wildlingsforestschool.com/bookings.
Written by Ellen Nesbitt. Ellen is a nature play advocate and creative writer with a passion for helping families connect with the outdoors. She is dedicated to exploring ways to nurture children's creativity, independence, wellbeing and love for nature.